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Posts Tagged ‘frustration’

Rough Afternoon

Today ended up being a far more difficult afternoon than I thought it would be. We went to the house of a friend of The Boy, who were hosting a first birthday party for their son. I went into it thinking that it wouldn’t be so bad… a baby or two, but nothing too crazy. Was I ever wrong. I swear that at least half the people at this party had at least one young kid, two had newborns, and one was pregnant. I did the best I could to deal with things and enjoy myself, but it was a little more than I could bear. I smiled and played the part, but was crumbling on the inside.

We talked about it on the way home. The Boy felt guilty for making me go. I told him it wasn’t something to feel bad about; it was just a difficult situation. I didn’t know most of the people at the party, let alone how long they were ttc before they got pregnant. He struggles with this all, too, I get that… he just deals with it differently than me, better than me really. He’s hopeful and optimistic, I’m beaten down and sad.

I guess at the core of this, I’m just scared of what’s to come. If I don’t end up pregnant this cycle, I have one more round of Clomid to go before I have to get an HSG. I am terrified by this procedure, since I’ve heard that it’s pretty painful. I keep flashing back to having the Mirena inserted… pure pain. From there, it’s onto an RE, not something I am looking forward to.

There is hope, though. I’m currently in the 2ww at 7DPO, so there is a possibility that all of this whining and depression can result in a BFP when I test later in the week. I’m feeling some phantom symptoms, but am not making any assumptions or getting excited about anything. We’ll see how it goes. Fingers crossed for a good week.

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